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Is your self image and confidence directly proportional to the way you look? Is it any yardstick to determine the person you are? Whatever happened to the ‘inner beauty surpasses outer beauty’ perspective? TWF correspondent Swati R Chaudhary tries to find out
How often have you woken up to a lonesome morning feeling disgruntled about the way you look? Do you cringe every time you look in the mirror? Do you end up squirming amid a bevy of beauties around you?
Vying for those picture-perfect Aishwarya Rai looks or dying to be amidst anorexic models sashaying down the ramp? Just how desperate are you to make heads turn in awe? Don’t worry, you are not alone. You will find echo of the same unhappy thoughts in many others as well. “I wish I were fairer”, “I wish I had poker straight hair”, “I wish I had Shilpa Shetty like abs,” or “a shapely Jennifer Lopez like derriere.” The wish list is endless. Whoever said looks are superficial now needs to think again.
Chances are, most of us identify with such yearnings and it’s only natural. However, going into a frenzied overdrive is another matter.
Says Richa Agrawal, a chartered accountant from Mumbai, “I’m not really happy with the way I look. I wish I could change my complexion to a lighter skin tone. Good looking people definitely receive preferential treatment” but she agrees that just looks do not guarantee success. “Eventually it’s your talent that speaks for you in the long run,” she says.
Today , there is no dearth of cosmetic ads proclaiming how their products can change the way you look. They promise to refurbish you in a never-seen-before avatar. Cognitive and other managerial skills apart, one can piggyback on looks as far as corporate success goes, at least in the beginning. A pretty woman inadvertently brings with her a multitude of admirers willing to bail her out from an awkward situation.
“If you're attractive you stand a better chance of making more money than your less attractive colleagues,” says Daniel Hamermesh, a labour economist at the University of Texas, Austin.
The million dollar question however is, is the way you ‘look’ the be-all and end-all of life? Is it a parameter for gauging the beautiful person that you are from within? Do you feel inadequate because you don’t fit into the ‘looking for a convent educated, fair, beautiful girl’ category?
The good-looks fixation can easily be the cause of depression in some cases and is likely to have disastrous repercussions if left untreated. “I was an obese kid. Everyone doted on me and I felt like the most wanted kid around. But as time progressed, I grew up with a major inferiority complex. I went through severe bouts of depression and felt like a flawed piece of s**t. It used to haunt me to the extent that I started avoiding social dos. Things are drastically better now but I admit that good looks definitely make some difference and you feel a lot more confident when you know you are beautiful,” reminisces Michelle D’Souza, now a mother of two.
“Who likes to be hideous?” asks a 24-year-old MBA aspirant. “Looking ugly is a bane today,” she opines. “I wish I could do something about my nose. But I personally feel more than looks, it’s the way you carry yourself that matters.”
Another 20- something echoes similar sentiments. “It’s way too important to look good if not all that important. I wish I could transform my girl-next-door image.” But she contradicts herself when she says, “Anyway, I think I am gorgeous, however the world thinks otherwise.”
But there are also people who still conform to the ‘Beauty is only skin-deep’ school of thought. And many of them belong to the male brigade, the ‘gazers’ too.
“Some girls put so much effort to fix what’s on the outside. Is that to cover up what’s going on inside?” asks a young entrepreneur, adding, “Even the most average looking girl can enliven your life and add more meaning to it. Looks these days are hugely deceptive.” He reiterates that it would be wrong to generalise but “most attractive girls are not-so-attractive at heart. So long as one is presentable and well groomed, it’s ok.”
Affirms Raj Chaudhari, software architect, Mumbai, “Even the most ordinary looking face but which radiates confidence and peace of mind is the most beautiful. It’s a turn off when a gorgeous looking lass is zero on confidence.”
Point taken! Physical beauty, eventually, fizzles out but what you inherently are on the inside will only grow with time. Confidence does not stem from exorbitant designer clothes or a voluptuous, flawless body. It has to do with personality. And, a wake-up call those who think otherwise: experience shows that looks do not necessarily mean success in a profession.
The self assured stride, the swing in your gait, the genuineness of your heart and the confidence one exudes are qualities that stand the test of time in the long run.
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