They choose to dream
Girls in the rural outback in Rajasthan are defying the social diktat of early marriage thereby setting an example for others. TWF correspondent Rekha Pal reports
In these dismal times when Haryana’s Khap leaders emphasise that caste ‘honour’ is bigger than law of the land, and have justified the killing of couple Babli and Manoj, and when many more couples run away from their home village for marrying on their own defying the elders’ diktat, there’s some light yet in pockets where conservatism is the order of the day.
Rajasthan, one of India’s most conservative states where child marriage is still the norm, a few young girls are trying to turn the table on this age old custom and unfair social practice. The number of them is not great but a beginning has been made and they can inspire other girls to follow their example.
In Rajasthan, the attitude towards daughters has always been one of indifference and neglect due to deep-rooted prejudices. Many upper-class families are reported to have been involved in infanticide and foeticide. In villages where veil still rules, girls get married even before they are teenagers. In such a background, girls like Laxmi, Jyoti, Shanno, Kiran and Champa have dared to dream and managed to delay their marriage.
Laxmi, 19, is from Jodinda Bhojpur village in Phagi, about 35 km from
Jaipur. She is somewhat of an aberration from the rest of girls in her village as she
remains unmarried even at this age. That she defied tradition, pursued her studies vigorously, topped her school and managed to convince her parents that letting her study would be a better option than getting her married at such an early age, still shock the villagers. Laxmi is not the only one. There are some others as well, though
not many, who are attempting to delay their early marriage.
A survey by Pinki Solanki of Vishaka Foundation, an NGO in Phagi, primarily a
poor rural agrarian block and with a historical presence of early marriages, found that despite all odds, many girls are rejecting child marriages and are opting to continue their studies.
This indeed is a remarkable change in Rajasthan, where child marriage is still strongly rooted. Demographic Health Survey data indicates that Rajasthan has 68% girls marrying before they reach the age of 18, the official marriage age.
These brave girls are a handful now but bound to grow as education, awareness and interventions by voluntary agencies increase.
Says Bharat, secretary, of Vishakha, which is currently working in 45 villages in Phagi:
“In every village you will find 10-15 girls who would have raised their voice against child marriage. Most may not have succeeded but you will definitely find two to three girls in every village now, who have actually taken action and rejected early marriage outright.”
Says Solanki, “They are confident, articulate and independent. There is a strong respect for their "desire" and unwillingness to accept gender discrimination. They wanted to do something different and it was worth explaining to others of what they were planning than just agreeing to what others were saying.”
She added: “Surprisingly all of them wanted to oppose the practice but
not disown their parents.”
Activists say such progressive thinking has also been made possible not only by NGO interventions, government campaigns, media exposure but also by the mothers, who do not want their daughters to suffer the same way as themselves. They do not want their daughters to go through the same trauma they did in their young age. They want their daughters to be educated like their sons.
“Mothers’ role is definitely more pronounced against child marriages. They want their daughters to avail of increased opportunities for education and work,” observes Bharat.
Sitara, mother of Shanno, says: “We suffered because we could never speak up before our in-laws even if we knew we were being exploited. But I don’t want my daughter to suffer the same way. I have educated my daughter enough to enable her to decide what is wrong and what is right.”
Activists say one of the key reasons for the change in mindset is the change in female literacy between 1991 to 2001. Census 2001 indicates that Rajasthan has shown the highest jump in female literacy rate. Moreover, in such situations, usually the pressure to “excel in academics” becomes Imperative for the girls, unlike boys whose education is seen as a necessity. In a girl’s case the “threat of poor performance” is usually seen as an excuse to make her drop out her studies and marry her off.
Says Laxmi : “My father told me, ‘You are studying but I won’t have that much money to spend on your marriage and it would be equally difficult to find a suitable boy.’ I knew I couldn’t afford to perform poorly as that would be reason enough to marry me off. Because of that I used to be in great pressure and was always worried about my results.”
But she proved herself and today, her excellence in studies have made her father and community proud.
The awareness is just not limited to villages near big cities but has penetrated into remote areas as well. “There was this case in Ratanpur village of Dungarpur district, when a girl approached the police herself to stop her marriage. The district officials helped and passed order restricting her marriage after it was found she was a minor, ” Bharat informs.
Says Champa, an 18-year-old girl from Sedariyon ki dhani, whose parents are
daily wage earners: “The entire village has changed a lot in the last few years. Earlier women used to do only housework but nowadays they also go out, sit with men and talk about various issues.”
Fortunately, not only parents, but young husbands are proving to be understanding too. Kiran was married off at barely in her teens at 14 despite her resistance. Although her in-laws refused to understand her viewpoint, she persuaded her husband to endorse her desire to study and work.
For girls like her, with a strong support system, half the battle is won.
“These girls refuse to accept the fact that they do not have the choice to dream,” Solanki says. Therein lies their strength.
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